Healthy, proactive communication is one of the best forms of preteen and adolescent encouragement. Good communication can prevent more conflicts than corrections can solve. Teens communicate their feelings much more readily than younger children, possibly because their vocabulary is more mature and the words needed to reflect inner abstract feelings are now present. Whatever the reason, meaningful talk can take place during adolescence, so take advantage of this opportunity. Learn how to talk so your kids will listen, and learn to listen so your kids will talk.

Healthy communication serves as a vehicle to transfer our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and ideas. We must work to perfect the communication skills that bring legitimacy to our words and willingness on the part of our preteens to listen to us. Below are seven suggestions to help improve your parent-preteen communication.

Different Genders, Different Needs

A number of years ago, my mentor Dr. Fred Barshaw gave me some insights when it comes to communicating with sons. I needed his insights. He had sons and no daughters and we had daughters and no sons. His insights have proven to be helpful ever since. One has to do with communication and gender differences.

When attempting to correct a situation through communication, adolescent boys tend to feel more comfortable with indirect conversation. That is, instead of sitting down face to face, go outside and work on the fence, tune up the car, or go to the workshop and finish painting the screens. When working on a common task together, sons tend to listen without feeling threatened and tend to commit themselves to change more readily than if you sat on a couch, face to face and talked through an issue.

Adolescent girls are just the opposite. They tend to feel more comfortable with direct conversation. That is, they seek face to face, heart to heart dialogue. In fact, if Mom said, “Here is the dish towel. You dry, I’ll wash, and we’ll talk about your troubling attitude toward your brother,” the daughter would be less receptive than if they both sat together and talked face to face.

Remember these handy truths. Adolescent girls like direct focusing attention, adolescent boys tend to respond better to parental criticism by the indirect method. Getting the point across is the goal, not conforming your child to a method.

By: Gary Ezzo