Charleston GFI Family Newsletter

Healthy, proactive communication is one of the best forms of preteen and adolescent encouragement. Good communication can prevent more conflicts than corrections can solve. Teens communicate their feelings much more readily than younger children, possibly because their vocabulary is more mature and the words needed to reflect inner abstract feelings are now present. Whatever the reason, meaningful talk can take place during adolescence, so take advantage of this opportunity. Learn how to talk so your kids will listen, and learn to listen so your kids will talk.

Healthy communication serves as a vehicle to transfer our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and ideas. We must work to perfect the communication skills that bring legitimacy to our words and willingness on the part of our preteens to listen to us. Below are seven suggestions to help improve your parent-preteen communication.

Different Genders, Different Needs

A number of years ago, my mentor Dr. Fred Barshaw gave me some insights when it comes to communicating with sons. I needed his insights. He had sons and no daughters and we had daughters and no sons. His insights have proven to be helpful ever since. One has to do with communication and gender differences.

When attempting to correct a situation through communication, adolescent boys tend to feel more comfortable with indirect conversation. That is, instead of sitting down face to face, go outside and work on the fence, tune up the car, or go to the workshop and finish painting the screens. When working on a common task together, sons tend to listen without feeling threatened and tend to commit themselves to change more readily than if you sat on a couch, face to face and talked through an issue.

Adolescent girls are just the opposite. They tend to feel more comfortable with direct conversation. That is, they seek face to face, heart to heart dialogue. In fact, if Mom said, “Here is the dish towel. You dry, I’ll wash, and we’ll talk about your troubling attitude toward your brother,” the daughter would be less receptive than if they both sat together and talked face to face.

Remember these handy truths. Adolescent girls like direct focusing attention, adolescent boys tend to respond better to parental criticism by the indirect method. Getting the point across is the goal, not conforming your child to a method.

By: Gary Ezzo

Well, it finally happened. Mr. Ezzo has always said not to bring up or push these parenting classes on other parents, but to wait till somebody asks you how you get your kids to behave so well. I have waited 6 years now for some one to ask. I was beginning to think it was never going to happen. Most parents I met at the park or out somewhere either didn’t pay attention to what their kids were doing, no less mine, or they were so busy chasing theirs around they didn’t seem to notice anyone else, especially children. So, when it finally happened, I was caught off guard. It happened at the pediatrician’s office. Since my youngest had to get shots, I took things for the other two to work on in the lobby, so they didn’t have to listen to the baby scream. I put them at the small table, gave them their backpacks and told them not to get up unless it was an emergency. I was happy they lasted about 20 minutes before my oldest came walking back to the room we were in and said she had to use the bathroom. After she used the bathroom she came back in to chat for a bit, then I asked her to return to the table. She did and added a “yes mommy” for good measure. All was good and I was happy. On her way, she saw that the nurse was drawing up the shots and asked if she could watch, the nurse said yes, and she turned and asked me from the end of the hall if she could. I agreed and then she returned back to the table. Of course, my three year old wanted to know where her older sister was so she tailed along for the preparation of the shots and then back to the table. After the shots were administered and the baby stopped screaming, both girls came in to check and see if their younger sister was okay, and of course, ask for a lollipop. I told them, “No, it’s too close to lunch.” I couldn’t believe it, but neither child objected and both returned to the table while I redressed the baby. The nurse stood there with an open mouth and asked how in the world I got my girls to obey and be so happy about it. It happened! I finally got to share the good news! She was really interested in the program and said she would like to learn more. I immediately went home, got a spare book I had, and took it to her with the GFI website and GFI Charleston website for reference and class schedules. I was so excited! What an opportunity to expand our community through a pediatrician’s office. God works in so many ways in our daily lives, sometimes we forget to stop and give thanks for the little things. Today, I remembered. I thanked God for my wonderful children who had the opportunity today to glorify God and used it. I thanked God for the Ezzo’s and their ministry and I thanked God for all those difficult days I have training my children for just this one opportunity. Then I realized, we have many opportunities every day. You never know when or where they will be, few or far between, but every day in every instant there is an opportunity for someone to notice the light of God in your children. We just have to remember to pay attention long enough to see it.

Father’s mandate reminder: Have you sent a note in your child’s lunch box yet this year? Take an opportunity to do so and show him/her how much you really do care.

“It’s All About Attitude“

Shape your child’s attitude by parenting from the Tree of Life.

This “Growing Kids God’s Way” Alumni Parenting Conference is coming to Brandon, FL on March 2-3, 2007. Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo will be joined by Joey and Carla Link in Brandon as they present both GFI Leadership Training as well as this valuable teaching on attitude. We hope to see you there.

You can download a copy of the brochure (PDF doc) or visit Mom’s Notes for more information.

This is a first person account from a mother about her family as they ate dinner on Christmas Day in a small restaurant many miles from their home. Nancy, the mother, relates:

We were the only family with children in the restaurant. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly eating and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, “Hi there.” He pounded his fat baby hands on the high-chair tray. His eyes were wide with excitement and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin. He wriggled and giggled with merriment. I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man with a tattered rag of a coat; dirty, greasy and worn. His pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed. His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists. “Hi there, baby, hi there, big boy, I see ya, buster, “ the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, “What do we do?”

Erik continued to laugh and answer,“Hi, Hi there.” Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, “Do ya know patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey look, He knows peek-a boo.”

Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk. My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal and headed for the door. My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.

The old man sat poised between the door and me. “Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,” I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to side step him and avoid any air he might be breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby’s “pick-me-up” position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man’s. Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love relationship. Erik in an act of total trust, love and submission laid his tiny head upon the man’s ragged shoulder. The man’s eyes closed, and I saw tears lover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain and hard labor—gently, so gently, cradled my baby’s bottom and stroked his back. No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms for a moment and then his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, “You take care of this baby.”

Somehow I managed. “I will” from the throat that contained a stone. He pried Erik from his chest – Unwillingly, longingly, as though he was in pain.

I received my baby, and the man said, “God bless you, ma’am; you’ve given me my Christmas gift.”

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks. With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, “My God, my God, forgive me.” I had just witnessed Christ’s love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes.

I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not. I felt it was God asking – “Are you willing to share your son for a moment?” — when He shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly had reminded me, “To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little children.”

Author Unknown

Now would be a good time to incorporate a shadow box for memorials into your household.  Take a moment on Christmas day to go over the past year and what God has done or brought into your lives, have your family vote on which story or stories and what they can put into the shadow box as a reminder.

Summer is over and school is back in session. Whether it be public, private, Christian, or home school, mothers are often conflicted when entering this new season. Those lazy days by the pool are now over, and the daily activities of school reveals how easily we fall out of a structured routine during the summer and my dear 5 year old reminds me through her ‘attitude’.

There is a pattern I’ve noticed in my household over the past five years, that with less structure and routine, there seems to be many more problems during the day. During summer I think we need to relax, be flexible with the daily routine, except I find my children are the ones who suffer. They have no idea what’s coming next, usually because, I don’t. For example, one day, we were on our way to the movies after a plan for a play date fell through. Meanwhile, a friend calls to say that she and her daughter were going to Barnes and Noble. While I was explaining to my 5 year old the change from Plan A : the movies to Plan B: Barnes and Nobles, my 3 year old lost her temper (and her mind) and hit the back of my head. My first reaction was to take the privilege of the movie and/or play date and take her home for chastisement. However, after I thought for a moment about the schedule that was promised and planned for the day, I changed my mind. The changes that were made not once but twice must have been frustrating for my three year old. Of course, she didn’t get away with the bad behavior, but I did make some immediate changes to our daily routine. I was thinking a relaxed schedule and atmosphere for the summer would make everyone relaxed and happy. Wrong!

After much prayer God laid on my heart that these three little ones of mine, need to know what is going to happen every day and generally what time or order they will take place. I started with what came easy, meal times. Then I added in naps, chores and personal hygiene time. After that I made a list of things that are important to our family like, exercise, quiet devotional time, family time, service projects and character training. The time that was left went for play dates, learning and organized sports. Once I started implementing this schedule, my children started reminding me what was next in our day instead of asking me. The children were a whole lot happier and I, more relaxed!

So, be it kindergarten, elementary level or beyond, it is still tough letting go of children having them leave our household and enter the public domain of school; or spending hours of time on the first few weeks of lesson plans for home schooling. I’m looking forward to this new season of life as my five year old starts school for the first time and as I sit down to plan my days events, the Lord Jesus reminds me that He is the power and energy behind our household. He is the wisdom behind our schedules so we must go to Him prayerfully first before planning our days and scheduling our time.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Principle: Build Trust on God’s Word.

Practical application: Simply Fun for Families

Description: (Gwen Ellis) This book is packed with more exciting ideas than your family could use in a lifetime – everything from playtime and family fun nights at home to celebrating holidays and taking vacations. Money-saving tips help make family times a reality. Enjoy building life-long memories with your children.

This and other great resources are available at www.momsnotes.com